Its been a little while. Well, turns out I couldn't really get over Jo and was on the verge of offing myself New Years Eve. I was at home alone and I called him and he kept blowing me off. I told him that I decided that I was going to start the New Year with or without him. I told him right before I hung up that when the clock stikes and the ball hits and he had no one to kiss that it should've could've would've been me. I left him with that. I cried my last tears of the year and went to sleep. I woke up thinking the alarm went off on my cell, it was Jo calling. 3 AM! I answered, he was drunk and wanted to come over. I let him and we did a lot of talking. We got back together. The love of my life finally came around! Right? Wrong! He had slept with yet another virgin. Well, when I say slept I mean his little dick went in 2 maybe 3 inches and it stopped. C'mon they were virgins and sure as hell didn't REALLY want to give it up to lil ol Jo! Well, he let his friends think whatever they wanted. He made it seem that he fucked that crap outta Lupe....nope never REALLY happend! Hey, if his pride is so much more important than me...I don't need him. For a mont things were good. I moved back in with Jo! BIGGER MISTAKE THAN THE FIRST TIME! We got along a little, his mom kicked me out! ON VALENTINE'S DAY! Of coarse mom didn't want me back! So, I sacrificed all I had left in the world to be with somone who doesn't even know how to show love. I loved him the best I could. I tried to make things work! I got kicked out and he stood by and let it happen. What could he do? I mean, besides tell his mom that he loved me and if I went he would go too...that if he had to he'd live on the streets with me....The school almost put me in a shelter! Where was Jo? I broke up with him the next Tuesday. I was honest with him and told him ahead of time that I had feelings for someone else. Someone who respected me. I went out with Jesse for a week, I was soooooooooo confused. I went back with Jo, then Jesse, and then, finally Jo! It wasn't fair what I did to Jesse and I feel sooooooooo bad. I love Jo! I do. I just can't be with him anymore! I let him get away with so much. If everyone and everything else is so much more important than me then I can find better! I'm graduting this year and turns out he might not! I told him from the start that if he didn't graduate I wouldn't marry him like he asked me too. I couldn't marry a person who refused to trust me with his feelings. With his thoughts! I can't do it! As much as I love him I had to end it. I respect him to some extent though because he's taught me so much about myself. I learned that I don't want to end up like he does. I don't just want to settle and I don't want to hope to just to get by! I refuse to let my dreams die! I can't give this up for anyone who doesn't love me! And he doesn't! Its romantic love not mature love. There's a BIG difference! He wants to change me. I can't put my life on hold when he can't put a few hours on hold for me. I can't do it. I've tried and thats a lot to do with this poor heart of mine. I've tried so hard, alone at times, to make this dying relationship work. You can't bring whats dead alive when its been dead for so long.

Work was awesome last week! Me and Julie are getting along just fine! I'm getting the hang of retail!   I'm going to stop spending my money on childish things and save up for mine and Jo's apartment.   This is serious...it's official...well...not really I still haven't gotten him his ring! But I'm shopping around for the PERFECT one for my PERFECT boyfriend!

Wow! Last night my mom was so pissed off at my step-dad because he acts like a kid! She went with him to get a part for her car so I cooked dinner...they didn't eat when they got home :( Anyway, my step dad was taking stuff out on me...ain't my fault!

Well, yesterday afterschool I auditioned for THEATER PRODUCTION for next year! If I don't get it then I'll just take my senior out...

I get to know tommorow....

Umm...Well, not much to report....

LATER GUYS!

Last week was great! Thursday was the day that ended the week. Jo made love to me like he never has before and it was so beautiful! He proposed to me on that day too. I said yes! DUH! We're thinking about moving out this summer...I think I might want to wait until next summer. Just to save up for things we're going to NEED!

My birthday was really, really awesome! Of coarse I worked (it was Saturday) but hey it was great. My uncle Fredy woke me up when he called to sing happy birthday to me! Reyna called later. Then my sister called me from my grandma's house and wished me a happy birthday! Then my step-dad (who I recently keep calling "dad") came into the room to say happy birthday. I got into the shower and when I got out I checked the Caller ID and Jo had called twice...I called him back and him and the guys sang happy birthday to me! Reyna came over and dropped off a birthday cake!

WOW! That paragraph had too many BIRTHDAY's in it! Ha ha ha!

On Sunday Jo brought me my birthday gifts! I love every of them! He bought me perfume called BLACK HEART, a green shirt with skulls and viney thorns and stuff, green corduroy pants, black and green flip-flops, blue jeans that look worn out (cool!), a nine inch nails t-shirt, his mom baked me a cake which was very very good! its called "better than sex cake", and last but definately not least an engagement ring! Its beautiful! I'm going to buy him one as soon as possible!

Yesterday was my sister, Maggie's, birthday! I got paid yesterday so I spent all my money on just that occasion! I bought movie tickets to Beauty Shop with Queen Latifah, then we went shopping! Our first stop was Frederick's of Hollywood! Thats right! I bought my sister lingerie! Yea...I'm not perverted! I got Jo a little sumpim sumpin if you know what I mean! He'll just have to wait to see it the next time! Well, from there, we went to Claire's to see if they had any toe socks cuz my sister has always wanted those! They didn't have them so we went to ICING...NOPE! But they did have charmed bracelets which she has wanted more than ever...I bought her the bracelet and three charms to start her charmed bracelet with...I plan to get her a charm every year until she's 21! thats six more charms! Then we went to 579 to get her an outfit! I got her a cute one too...all of the stuff we did last night seems so preppy/girly/snobby but it was fun!....

I saw Jo at work during all of this and I think I'm now realizing that I was being very distant of him...I feel bad:(

Today is now Thursday and Jo isn't here and I feel so odd without him!I miss him alot! I miss you BABY!

Sooo! I haven't told you guys about my spring break!

Well, I went to work on the Friday that school let out and I worked Saturday and Sunday....Umm...Wednesday I got paid and I took Jo and Jordan (Jo's brother) to the movies to see HITCH...I blew my first pay check on JUNK! It was a hell of a lot of fun too! I also  went shopping for work clothes on Wednesday...Jo picked out the pants that I ended up buying! Cool! It was cute! I loved it! I bought a bracelet....Umm...Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I worked too! It was fun! Yea...me and my boss are getting along ok. First it didn't seem like she liked me...

I lost my bracelet just yesterday! AAAHHHH! I lose everything! How can someone lose their own tennis shoes? Well, I don't know how I did it but I did! I lost my precious "Jo & Etah" shoes! I'm upset about that!

Oh! I almost forgot! My birthday is on Saturday! My mom and step-dad gave me my gift early because I begged! They got me a TV/DVE Combo! Yay! They hooked up the cable and everything! They even put a phone in there! Now I have no reason at all to leave the room...but I STILL WANNA MOVE OUT!

Jo and I got into another little tiff! I hate arguing with him about stuff that bothers me because it always makes me look stupid! I hate feeling dumb! Anyway we patched things up yesterday! Fun!

My pictures are due today and I didn't take pictures because I lost my camera too! AAAGGGHHH!